i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.