We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.