ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
