Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.