I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
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Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
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Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper