Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
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Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
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You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian