HIV tests are more positive than that guy
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
