Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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