this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
