I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
