I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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