YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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