he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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