You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
