Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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