I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
