I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
