Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
