just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
