Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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