I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize