Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
