Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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