The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
