i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I would ride that face into the sunset
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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