So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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