Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
