do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
