Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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