my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
And then he peed in my hair
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