"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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