i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
