I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
