You can't motorboat a personality
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
