Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
