Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
if only i could text you this smell
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
