were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
