I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
