I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I fill condoms, not promises.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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