literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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