Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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