All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
whose parrot is this?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
