I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
