in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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