dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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