god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
