Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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