hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
