we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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