tell your sister to shave her snatch
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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