I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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