u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
