We won't sleep together?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
