thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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