So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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