I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
