Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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