bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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