we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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