Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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