u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
