I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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