I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
