Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
They should really pass out barf bags in church
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
