Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
