i wish my penis had a tongue
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
