He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
