Say something about gay babies.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I would fuck him just for his dog
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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