pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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