i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
