Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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