Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
