I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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