How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
