the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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