I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
