Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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