why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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